All you need is love....and family....

I never thought I would see the day when Logan and I had to tell one of our children that their sibling had died. Today was that day. 

I was so scared. We picked her up from our friend's house and took her home. She was so happy and cute. I was so grateful that we still had her with us. It was like she was a little ray of sunshine to brighten our day. When we got inside, we took Sophie into Harrison's "room". He never was able to use it but to this day it is known as "Harrison's room". Logan put her on his lap and proceeded to tell her that Harrison was now living with Heavenly Father. She looked at him and simply said, "Okay". We talked to her a little more about him and then went to relax in the living room. I was wondering if she really understood where Harrison was so I asked her, "Sophie, where is Harrison?" She answered, "He's in Harrison's room". Confused at what I had just heard, I asked her, "Wait, what? Where is he?" And Sophie pointed to Harrison's room and said, "Harrison is in Harrison's room" and then she went on playing. Logan and I looked at each other and didn't quite know what to think. I'm not sure if she felt Harrison in the room with us or maybe even could see him. Who knows. I wouldn't doubt that a sweet innocent child could have an experience like that. 

The day of Harrison's death was such a blur. For a while we just sat, relaxed, and cried. We felt peaceful and so loved with all of the phone calls and messages from all of our loved ones. I even remember saying to Logan, "I feel like Harrison just came to visit us for a little while and then we just took him to the airport for him to go home. He was just here for a visit and now he went back to his home." The feeling of relief that Logan and I had was so very scary and shocking to us. I wasn't relieved that my baby was gone, not at all. Yet, I had relief. I think it was Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost comforting us. 

It's a strange thing, going through a family death while being away from family and in medical school. Our friends and our church have become our family here. We were so taken care of. We received gifts, we had people pay for our dinner to be delivered to us, and we had so many visitors. One in particular still stands out to me. Logan and I were in our room, packing, because we quickly needed to get ready to drive home for Harrison's funeral. We heard a knock on the door and I answered it. There stood one of Logan's friends that he had grown up with who is here at the same medical school. I didn't know him that well but the first thing he did was tell me he was so sorry and then he gave me the biggest hug. I needed that very hug. Not only was it sweet of our friend to come straight from work just to give us a hug, but I also felt my three brothers in that hug. I hadn't seen them in a while and that hug just gave me the feeling of home, which was greatly needed. We had a few other close friends who stopped in just to sit with us. We talked and laughed. It was so nice to have friends with us. One couple stayed with us almost all through the night while we packed. I was amazed. 

One, out of many things I have learned through this whole experience is that we are loved. We. Are. Loved. Loved by friends, loved by family, but most of all, we are loved by our Father in heaven and our Savior. They never left our side. I know for a fact that they never left my side. I could not have done this without them. They love me, they know me, and they care. That's why I feel grateful for this experience. Because I have come to know THEM better. I have come to love my husband more. I have come to appreciate my little girl more. I was able to meet, and get to know and love my sweet Harrison. I have grown in my emotional, spiritual, and even physical strength. 

I can do hard things! I

 never knew I could do this, but the Lord did. 

Pretty amazing. 

Now all I have to do is wait for the day when I get to have my baby boy again. 

And what's funny is...I'm not scared for that day anymore. 

Sophie and Harrison's footprints. Thanks "Whitty" for the wonderful gift!