Taking him "home"...

The time had come to take Harrison to the hospice. After he left us the morning of December 9th we both knew he wouldn't be with us much longer. 

We needed our family together. 

The morning of December 10th came and we got up to run to the hospital. I ran up to the NICU to pack up all of our belongings while Logan followed the ambulance to the hospice. I made it there just in time to say bye to Harrison before they wheeled him off. I was so happy that Barb, one of our favorite NICU nurses was able to transport him. 

Harrison and Barb

This was the day I had been waiting for. It was the day I was taking my newborn baby "home". I was beyond happy and was able to feel the excitement that mothers usually feel when they have a new baby. While having Harrison in the NICU, I was happy and loved being with him but I never really felt like he was truly mine. I guess in a way I really never did since I knew he was just visiting us for a while, but being able to take him to a more "homelike" environment was just one step closer to normalcy. 

Harrison's first nurse when we got to the hospice was Whitney. I was a little skeptical at first. It was almost like getting a new step-parent. These were new women who were going to take care of MY baby. I sat back and watched and saw how careful she was with Harrison and how sweet she was to Sophie. It made me feel a little better watching her with them. She told us she had worked with babies before so that made me feel even better. 

Sophie and "Whitty" feeding baby Harrison

After Barb gave out all of her orders to the new nurses and instructed them how to take care of "her" baby, we said goodbye. It was so hard to see her go. I even had a hard time saying goodbye to the other nurses in the NICU. They sent us home with a certificate saying that Harrison had graduated the NICU. Looking at it made me a little sad. When I had looked at it before we knew Harrison had Trisomy 18, it made me happy that he would be done with his NICU stage. He would be able to move on with his baby life. Now when I looked at it, it just reminded me that he didn't graduate the way I thought he was going to. I felt like he was going backwards. But really, he was going forward. He was moving on with life in a way none of us ever would. So, I was sad, but also happy. It's so weird to feel two strong emotions at the exact same time. 

After all of the commotion, we got Harrison settled in and hooked up to his machines. Then, we just enjoyed. 

Enjoyed the quiet. 

Enjoyed our family of 4. 

Enjoyed these last few moments we had together. 

We were "home". 

This was it. 

December 10th was one of the happiest days of my life. 

Sophie love

She was so happy